Bitter
by Yume Youki
Summary: Naruto could be summed up in three words. Sarcastic. Cynical. And Intelligent. He's played the fool long enough. It's time to show the world what Uzumaki Naruto can really do. Rated to be safe. On hiatus and up for adoption. See profile for details.
1. The Truth

I don't own Naruto. I'm only gonna say this once.

**Bitter**

_Chapter One_

Naruto really hated his life.

Despite what he lead others to believe, he was anything but the smiling idiot. In fact, his true personality could be summed up in three words:

Sarcastic.

Cynical.

And _intelligent._

Oh yes, he was, in fact, quite the genius. He had to be if he wanted to fool others into believing that he was something other than what he really was. He had superb acting skills, to the point that he could actually feign having _bad_ acting skills. It hurt his pride to do that, but hey, his cover was a "smiling idiot" – what kind of idiot is capable of actually lying effectively? None, that's what. If he gave the impression that he was a bad liar, people would be more likely to believe him when he really wanted them to.

The really sad part was that, despite all that "seeing underneath the underneath" bullshit that ninjas talk about, nobody, besides the Hokage, knew what he was hiding.

And even the Hokage didn't know everything.

However, now he was a ninja, thanks to some strategically revealed skills and some convenient half-truths, so he could finally drop his mask and show what he really was.

And oh, was he going to enjoy the reactions.

After all, if the reactions that he got during the Genin Exam when he revealed that he knew the Shadow Clone technique were anything to go by, then the reactions he'd get from dropping his despicable and honestly embarrassing mask would be _PRICELESS! _

When Iruka had asked him where he learned such a powerful technique, Naruto had feigned confusion at his shock, and said, in his best clueless and boastful voice, "I saw a ninja perform it once and started working to see if I could do it!" He had the hardest time not laughing out loud at the incredulous expressions on his two teacher's faces, and the looks of confusion on his classmates.

The reality?

He got it from the Forbidden Scroll of Sealing that he stole from the Hokage Tower. All it took was waiting until the Hokage left for the night, sneaking past the ANBU (which was _laughably _easy), and nabbing the thing. The funny bit? He doubted that the Hokage or anybody else realized that the scroll that occupied the space now was a fake, and that he had the original. The sad bit? Nobody realized that the scroll was missing for the week it took him to copy everything in it down onto a duplicate scroll. He kept the original, and returned the copy, not because he wanted the original for anything in particular, but because he was wondering how long it would take for everybody to realize that the one in the Hokage Tower was a fraud.

That was three years ago, and _still_ nothing.

It was pathetic. And not just the "you are an embarrassment to ninja everywhere" pathetic, but the "you are such an embarrassment to ninja that you should just kill yourself and save other enemy ninja the trouble" pathetic.

Since then, he had gotten far stronger than anybody could even dream.

And he knew that he would only get stronger.

Tomorrow he would be assigned to his team, and he hoped to God that it wasn't with that Haruno bitch or the Emo-suke – what was his name again? He hated the guy so much that he frequently couldn't even be bothered to remember his lame-ass name. It was Sasu-something or other. Oh, that was it. Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke.

Naruto snorted to himself in the confines of his apartment as he ate his food. Sasuke's name really should be legally changed to Emo-suke, 'cause all the arrogant prude did was brood all day. Probably didn't even train properly, preferring to learn high-ranked jutsus and extravagant taijutsu moves instead of working on the basics, like his speed, his strength (Ha! What strength?), and his chakra control and capacity (which admittedly weren't much, but still better than what that pink-haired Haruno bitch could do).

Oh, and let us never forget the pink-haired, banshee-shrieking, pathetic excuse for a ninja, Haruno Sakura. God, even her name was pathetic. I mean, sure, her hair color was similar to that of a cherry blossom, but c'mon! Couldn't her parents have chosen something, oh, I don't know, original?! Sakura was such a common name, seriously!

And her skills as a ninja were just as pathetically common as her name. She should have never gone into the ninja program, and everyone pretty much knew that she only did it to be near to Emo-suke. The fact that she made Top Kunoichi of the Year made him feel like burning something, preferably said kunoichi's hair.

He could go on and on about the faults of his two classmates, but he had things to do now. Namely, getting something other than the god-awful jumpsuit that he wore.

But, of course, things were never that simple. He couldn't just go shopping for ninja clothes like everyone else. He'd get kicked out every time if he did that – and believe me, he _had _done that. It never worked.

So, he went with his ever present Plan B (not that Plan A had ever even existed in his mind to begin with).

He henge'd into a boy with mousy brown hair, hazel eyes, and a plain-looking face with no distinguishing marks whatsoever. He made sure that his new form was wearing something casual, which included white shorts, and a plain forest green T-shirt. He put on a pair of regular sandals, casually grabbing his hitai-ite and putting it on as he made his way to the window and walked up the wall to the roof. Calmly jumping across the rooftops, he made his way to the nearest ninja store to buy what he wanted.

* * *

Finally!

Something other than that jumpsuit he wore, and something that he truly wouldn't mind wearing. He had gotten a pair of charcoal gray cargo pants, with a matching short-sleeved skin tight shirt. He had gotten a pair of gloves that went up to his biceps, and had metal guards for the back of his hands. And the last two pieces he had gotten were a pair of black sandals, and a utility belt. The belt could hold all manner of things, from scrolls to kunai to miscellaneous items. It truly was a great find. He had gotten three sets of everything besides the belt and the sandals.

The last thing he got while out wasn't part of his outfit, but was a great find even so. It was, of all things, a small violin for ninjas to use. When he had first heard the idea of music as a weapon, he had been intrigued. Who had ever heard of such a thing? He certainly hadn't. So, intrigued and a little curious, he bought the thing, along with the scroll that detailed how to use it.

Not like it was expensive or anything.

The thing was actually so expensive that he was lucky he had been able to buy it. Which was pretty sad, now that he thought about it.

He needed to get some money, and soon.

Oh, well, tomorrow he would be getting his team, the next day he would be tested by his jounin sensei on teamwork, and then he would begin missions. Hopefully, anyways. He might need to talk to the Hokage if he failed. He did NOT want to repeat again. The only reason he had done so in the first place was so that he could be with kids relatively his own age. Well, that and to throw people off his scent, but mostly because he wanted kids his own age.

But all of this is beside the point. Now he had what he needed to succeed, and so, with a smile, he went to bed.

Tomorrow, they would all see. Tomorrow, he would show them.


	2. To Hell With That

**Bitter**

_Chapter Two_

* * *

_Oh my God. . . No! NO! NOOOOO! WHY?! Oh God, why. . . _Naruto thought with dread as Iruka called out Team 7. It had happened. The thing that he had asked God specifically to spare him from.

He had been put together with Emo-suke and that Haruno bitch.

Despite what he said earlier, he almost would rather repeat a year than have to be on a team with those two. For a moment, he almost asked if he could. Then he remembered something.

_Meh, I'll just prank them if they annoy me, _Naruto thought with an evil smile.

Speaking of pranks, when he walked into the classroom this morning, the expressions had been priceless, just like he thought they'd be. He'd almost laughed out loud when he saw them, and after he saw the Mutt (What was his name? Oh yeah, Kiba) left speechless in his chair, he really did laugh. And it was his real laugh this time – the one that he'd heard described as sounding bitter, dark and filled with sarcastic humor. He had looked at them all when he laughed like that, and saw that they all looked gob-smacked. It was hilarious.

Although he was a little confused when he saw that Hinata looked fairly happy. . . When he saw that, he felt like blinking and saying, "Come again?" but refrained from doing so. Hinata had always been weird to him. Now wasn't any different.

But back to the matter at hand.

Sakura was now bugging Sasuke for a date, everyone else had left with their teachers about two hours ago, and they were now busy waiting for their overly late sensei. God, was their sensei Hatake Kakashi? Actually, come to think of it, that didn't sound so impossible. They had the Last Uchiha (who probably would get the Sharingan sometime soon), Kakashi was the only other one who could teach Emo-suke the skills he needed to use said doujutsu, and also, their sensei was almost three hours late.

Suddenly, a head popped into the room, and Naruto would have laughed at the fact that his guess was right if he wasn't so pissed. Their sensei _was _Hatake freakin' Kakashi. Dammit. He hated the guy. He was a complete asshole in Naruto's _humble_ opinion, and while he was better than the rest of the freakin' village, he still was on his list of "People I Do Not Like" – which was as long as the Hokage monument, if not longer – mainly because the asshole reminded him too much of Sasuke.

He knew he should have stayed in bed today. He'd just had a feeling, and it wasn't good.

God _dammit._

Well, whatever. If they got on his bad side, he would prank them viciously, and then, if they didn't wise up. . . well, there are other ways of getting back at people than just pranks. Ones that aren't so. . . _pleasant_.

He took a deep breath and started saying the word "bubbles" in his head over and over again as he and his team made their way up to the roof. The word "bubbles" was his happy word. When he said it, it made him feel better, so whenever he was feeling particularly pissed off or bitter about something, he just started thinking about that word, and it made things a little more bearable.

Yeah, he knew it was weird. He didn't care. Whatever kept him from slaughtering people, right?

Right.

And now they were on the roof, telling each other about their likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams, and goals. God, what a joke. And now it was his turn. After listening to Kakashi telling them nothing but his name, Sakura telling them that she was a fangirl in not so many words, and Sasuke being his Emo-suke self, saying that his ambition was to "kill a certain man", it was his turn to tell them things about himself. Well, nothing for it, he had to go.

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I like taking care of plants and animals, reading books, proving people wrong, and getting on people's nerves, by way of pranks and other things. I dislike most of the people in this village, I hate people who are narrow-minded, prejudiced, or cruel, and I also dislike people who waste things. Hobbies include nursing injured animals, training, reading, et cetera. My goal is to protect those few people that are precious to me, and my dream is to be Hokage."

There. He said it. And yeah, he wanted to be Hokage. Why, you ask? Because he wanted to change this village. Make it actually worth living in. That was why.

He could see that he made Tweedledee and Tweedledum along with his teacher fairly shocked, especially by the whole "disliking most of the people in this village" part. He was actually enjoying the looks he got, and then his sensei had to open his big, fat mouth.

"Why do you want to be Hokage, Naruto, if you hate so many people here?"

"Because I'm planning on making this village worth living in, seeing as how I can't exactly move or anything." He was seriously bored now that he wasn't getting any shocked looks, and it probably showed.

"If you could move, would you?" asked Kakashi.

"Nope. Not since all of the people who I care about live here. Also, where would I go?" Naruto snorted derisively. "But we're wasting time now. Don't you have something else to tell us?"

"Yeah." Several moments passed.

". . .Well?" asked Sakura impatiently.

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked, now irritated.

"Ah, right. Well, tomorrow, we'll be doing some survival training." Kakashi eye-smiled at them.

"But, sensei, we already did that in the academy," Sakura said.

"Yes, but this time you'll be going up against me, and depending on how you do, we'll see if you stay genin or not."

"What do you mean, sensei?"

"I mean that I will be testing you to see whether or not you will continue to be genin, or be sent back to the academy for remedial training. Think of this as the true Genin Exam, and it has a 66% fail rate."

"Oh." Sakura's voice sounded small.

"Meet me at Training Ground 7 tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. Oh, and I'd recommend not eating. You might puke." Kakashi disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Puke? C'mon, if we had weak stomachs like that we'd have no right being ninja," Naruto muttered. He turned to the others. "I'll see you at 8 tomorrow."

"But Kakashi-sensei said to meet him at 6. . ." Sakura said.

"Yeah, and he'll probably be two hours late just like today, so I'm going to sleep in. See you!" And Naruto left, just like that.


End file.
